He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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