There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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