I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
