you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
