Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
