I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
