Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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