yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
