it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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