i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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