Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize