Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
