If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
