So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
