I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
