Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
