i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
