So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
