I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
