I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
