dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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