dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
