hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
