I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
