I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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