i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
