If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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