you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
