The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize