Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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