i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
