I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
