You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
