Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
