and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize