if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
