i just sent this text using only my big toe
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
