plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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