none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
