so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
