I wannas sexs uuuuu
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
