All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
