If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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