You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
