Can i not drive my cunt home
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
