How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
