but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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