im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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