hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
