Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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