It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think a kid would responsible me up
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
