His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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