NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
