I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
