i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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