Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
