Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
