Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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