So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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