Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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