Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
