I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
