it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i now understand why vodka
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
