I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
