Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize
