We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
