I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
